07 January 2013

dear sir


Scene: Monday morning in a dimly lit London kitchen. The only trace of the recent seasonal celebrations are a woolly garland, three satsumas in the fruit bowl, and an unused mulled cider mini kit earmarked for emergency use only. He is washing up the porridge bowls.  She is making a sandwich for his lunch from some dubiously dated cottage cheese, humous and a tomato.

Him:  "Dear Sir - My beloved wife of many years is morphing into Sir Stafford Cripps. There is talk of growing mustard and cress on a damp flannel and even the birds are throwing stale bread at us.  I would carry on, but I am simply too weak to write more..."

Her: You'd better get used to it. (This is followed by loud guffaw...possibly a cackle.)


11 comments:

Liz said...

Can offer to send Quality Street (well, the orange and pink ones) and Madras curry flavoured popcorn if the salad crop fails.

rachel said...

I could offer some Philadelphia cream cheese with strangely colourful edges, some almost-liquid cucumber (a fridge staple) and LOTS of Christmas pudding. Just let me know.

Lizzi said...

I can offer some very dubious cream and creme fraiche. There is a Christmas pudding lurking but i am afraid we need that for next Christmas (just planning ahead).

However, I am primarily writing to thank you for the lovely book 'Sightlines' which arrived this morning. I loved the fact that it was beautifully wrapped from recycled materials - which will be recycled again. And a wee tweed brooch which has already found a home on my red jacket.

I am ridiculously excited about this book. I know it will be one of those read again - and again - types. I have so much to do today that I cannot sit with another coffee and just read a line or two...............well maybe just ten minutes..........then I will clean out the fridge:-)

Thank you again - they say that it is better to give than to receive but on this occasion - well, I think I win.

tut-tut said...

All the best in belt-tightening in 2013!

ALoadofOldTat said...

We too have gone from veritable excess to lock down. What a difference from just a few days go, bonkers isn't it?

SmitoniusAndSonata said...

I'm developing unattractive squint lines from trying to spot the 35% Off stickers on things before anyone else does . Luckily they're hidden by the overlong fringe I haven't taken to the hairdresser in an attempt to save money this week.
But I'm more than happy to donate one wrinkly aubergine if it'd help ?

colleen said...

The generosity of readers has overwhelmed me. I can't understand though why there is so much Christmas pudding leftover. Don't you have it in your porridge for breakfast?

menopausalmusing said...

He wouldn't get MY dubiously dated cottage chees. No siree bob, that's for ME!

Ruth K said...

Emergency use only! I wonder when it will get to that stage? Much Love and Mini Kits. Ruth x

Annie @ knitsofacto said...

Nope, no Christmas pudding in our porridge ... I fell out with anything with fruit of the grape in it after the dog ate the mince pies and I found my myself shelling out £300 at the emergency vets at 2.00am on Christmas day morning (I think I may have heard Santa laughing as his sleigh passed overhead). We are now on lock down (the cost of the store room to studio conversion excepted) until about 2017! But I do have an emergency bag of macaroons going begging ;)

Rattling On said...

What you need is a crow living in your front garden. He eats all manner of things.
However, I have 6 pots of rum/brandy/Baileys cream that I just can't bear to throw away but never got touched. Ideas welcome.